So many things that I want to get out that are inside. Today is one of those, I need to go live life days. It is one of those, I have looked at facebook and seen people living life and enjoying God's good gifts and I want to do that too!!! We cannot seem to get enough rest lately. AND I am seeing once again how vitally important rest is to my whole person, really whole life! It is as if we were just going and going and going, and slowly my heart had leaked out. Right now, I don't really feel too much, and it seems that all of my senses are kind of dull. I absolutely DO NOT want to live this way, but if this is just some sort of passing through point, okay I am ready to get through it and get back into life. The relationships that I had been focusing on here have dwindled a bit. Everything seems to have started with the trip to Michigan...Michigan, subbing, David's parents, Bottle and Twine, working the festival, my parents. It seems that this past weekend was our first Saturday to just be, and "be" we did! Much rest and shnuggling on the couch and a nap, and movies in the evenings, and easy dinners, and chinese take out. Lovely, but I am really ready to have life back in me, or either to go hide in the mountains for a while! It is the being here, but not being engaged that is not working for me, but I think that I need to take what I can get while I can as far as rest goes. We need a life change again, yes again. I so want to be in the place doing what I am made to be doing. I think that I am in part, but I want to fully do it. Also, again, I am seeing how the enemy wants to make us doubt EVERYTHING. He wants to bring doubt into everything that I am doing...Bottle & Twine, IVF, watching this certain movie with my hubby, relationships, what I am making for dinner, how I am spending my time...NO MORE! I am not going to live like this. I am also in one of those times that I think that I am trying too hard with the Lord instead of just resting in Him and abiding. Saw this today, and it seems to sum up where I am. I need to just abide, to rest, trust, obey, abide! Thank You Lord for words that you gave years ago that have stuck with me always. Rest, trust, obey, abide... abide...You are the Vine, and I am a branch. I receive from You, I am in You, I am part of You. I cannot exist apart from You. That is WHY apart from YOU I am nothing. I have nothing. I can do nothing. The past few weeks on Sunday at church, I have felt distracted and not as engaged as those weeks when all is so glorious. Maybe this is part of it...just needing to rest and abide and trust and obey and the fruit will come. I so want that fruit that will last. Right now, I do not see the way. So I am stopping and resting. I am not even DOING the things that I normally consider resting in You. Writing in my journal and receiving from Your Word. It is more these little things, like a change of schedule and writing here and getting things out. So this is a start, another start. I will take things one step at a time. Lord protect this heart from those things that would steal away the love, the longing for you, the hunger and thirst for righteousness. Let me really sink into You and rest there...Come and rest here. Come and lay Your burdens down. Let me know get worried when I am not feeling all of those things that I want to be feeling. There are things that are good just to forget and move on. There are loose ends that need wrapping up, like the writing course, writing a letter to Pop, writing to Diane, trying my hand again at more children's stories, finishing TM book, finishing Zone book, reworking menus, plan for Bottle & Twine, price list etc. But right now, resting abiding and no knots in the tummy, and let's get the stress out of the face. Let's do some pilates and have a smoothie or some tea. Let's go through the stack of books in my bedroom and do something with them. Let's stay in touch with people and pursue new relationships. I guess that there seems to be so much going on that it takes lots out of me just to take care of the things that are around me! But I want in many ways to be more able to do what needs to be done, and to have an outward gaze to others. For example this sweet Indian couple whom I met recently had a fire in their apartment, and I didn't even know until two weeks later. I want to be involved in the lives of others. I want to give and pour out. There is an opportunity to volunteer as a storyteller at a hospital. Normally that would make my heart sing, but right now, it just makes me feel tired... SO that tells me that there needs to be change here. Really I think that we need a getaway, and the way that we live instead of doing the one big vaca, maybe we really could do several smaller trips... Just thinking. What a different day this is...I am SO off schedule, but, I will try it for one day. I will accomplish what I need to, but also do some other things as well. So there are other things that I want to get out as well! Things that are in my journal that need more expressing, some of those true riches stored in secret places. By the way, I love that verse, and Isaiah 33:6 as well
He will be the sure foundation for your times,
a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure. He will be! I don't have to make myself be something. He will be. I have got to learn this dependence once again. Total and complete. Did I have it in the first place? What have I really thought about my relationship with You Abba? Have I really rested and completely depended on Your grace instead of trying so hard to please You. There are those verses about trying to find out what please the Lord. And I want to so very much, but mostly, I just want to draw near. I say that and then I spend my time in all sorts of ways. What do You think? What are You saying? I know that You do not want me to worry over it, but just come and be with You. My soul finds rest in You alone, over and over and over. Life in You is all I want. Life in You is all I need. Everything fade away. Everything else leave. You made life beautiful and bright, but even in that Your glory is what I long for. I need You alone right now with me. You alone to be seen. I love Your ways. I love Your gifts. I love how You take care of me, but all I can think, all I want is time with You. You are what I need. You are what I need. Let all else fade away, the noise, the lights, the work, the day, and let it be You and let me see finally what You want me to see, and that is You, and being with You, and loving You and being loved. Loving You and being loved and sitting and resting and knowing and believing. You are here, and You just want me to rest in You, live in You, not trying to be anything but here with You, knowing You, flowing in You. Resting in Your Name, taking in Your grace, You filling this place where I am, replacing the anxious heart where I am, giving a new start where I am. All because of You. All because of You, knowing You and loving You and being loved by You. You are all I need. Let all else leave. Just to give You all this heart and soul, this mind and lips this life for all eternity You are all I need. When there is no more breath in me. You are all I need. Face to face I will see the one
Who saved me and again I will sing You are all I need. Face to face with the Father. Face to face no more fear. Face to face with my Abba, He is dear. He is near. Face to face no more pretending. Face to face is how He sees me. Your eyes see to my soul. Your heart loves me wholly, and face to face we love to be. I am His and He belongs to me. This heart in His, this life given. Face to face is true reward. Face to face what I'm longing for. Knowing what You are saying. Knowing Your heart and Your thoughts. Knowing we'll be together and we will never be apart. Face to face is so amazing. Face to face is life with You. Face to face is no shame or regret. Face is face is living true. Face to face, there is no hiding. Face to face there is no fear. Face to face. Face to face. You can only be near. Face to face. Life in You. Life in You. None other will do, but to have life in You. You are true. You are so true. What you say You will do because You are true. You are hope. You are hope. When there is nothing else You are hope. You. Only You. What can I say? What can I do? Just think of You, be with You. Hope in you. Trust in Love. Love. There is so much love. There is so much love in You. You. You are love. You are love when there is stillness. You are love when there is pain. You are love. You can be no different. You are love. You called my Name. Remember. Love knows my Name. Please just know Love, true true Love knows Your Name. He knows my Name. He knows my Name. He speaks love and He knows my Name. He loves my heart. He sees me here and knows. He remembers what He told me. He always is true to His promise. He is Love and will never put to shame. He is love and will never ever put to shame. He is Love tender and true. Life oh sweet life in You. Life oh there is life only only really really only. There is life only in You. I love the life that You give. I love the sweet life, and there is none other like it. There is no other life like what You give. There is no other source of living water. There is none so sweet and pure. There is none that fills my heart and soul. There is no beauty that possesses me like You. You possess my heart and soul. You possess. You possess. I am Yours. I am Yours. You have captured my heart. You have captured my heart. Let it be said that I gave You everything, no holding back, gave You everything. Why would I hold on, when You want it to be Yours? You want me to be Yours. YOU want me. Thank You Lord. Thank You Lord. I belong with You . I belong with You. You heal me with Your life. You heal me with Your words. You heal me with Your sweet sweet love. Your sweet sweet love. You heal me. You heal me. You heal me. You take away all that was lost. You restore. You restore. You take away all that was lost, and bring back the sweet fragrance to life. You are the sweet fragrance of life. You are the vine, and I am a branch. You are the vine so strong. I take all the life that You offer to fill this soul, to fill. You give gifts so sweet, so powerful and sweet so full of life because it's You. Without You there is nothing, nothing that I need. Nothing will do. Nothing will do. With You there is life, overflowing and abundant real and true and pure. You give such good gifts. You are Love everlasting. You call me Beloved and I am Yours. You call me Beloved. You call me Beloved. You call me Beloved and I am Yours.
New Living Translation
And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness--secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.
English Standard Version
I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the LORD, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.
New International Version
I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the
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