No more baggage

Okay, so there are some beliefs that I absolutely have to get rid of, that I have been carrying around rendering me useless, uneffective, shut up, and passive.  Let's throw them away like stinky garbage.  I have got to rid myself of this stinking insecurity that creeps up when I least expect it.  I have to send away inferiorty...that I am never nor will I ever be good enough, have accomplished enough, am worthy enough to deserve respect and love, that I can never please or do things to the right standard.  YUCK!  That is not how I want to live.  So I throw these things off right now in Jesus' Name ever hindrance, every entanglement, every false belief, every need to be significant and wanted and noticed and valued, every desire to be praised and wanted and admired be gone NOW in Jesus' Name.  I want YOU to be significant Lord and I want to rise up only in what You have for me to rise up in to show You.  Whatever that is and whatever that looks like, let it be done, and let these petty little spirits of insecurity and fear and inferiority be conquered by the blood of Jesus.  His life and power are in me, and I do not have to live this way anymore.  I do not want circular living to keep going around and around and around.  I have to walk in freedom, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.  So let the Spirit be released here, in me, in our home, in our lives.  No more going around in circles.  We have to move forward.  I want all that is past to stop affecting my present and future.  I let go of all of the junk, all of the words, all of the voices in my head that are not of You Lord.  Let me only hear You.  Let me only know Your voice and Your true words.  Let my circumstances not determine who I think that I am, and what You are doing.  What is unseen is greater than what is seen.  Let me see what is unseen and live by that in Jesus' Name.  There is still something in me longing for approval and notice.  Maybe I think that these things will propel me into what You have for me, but that only comes from Your hand.  A man can only receive what He is given by You.  Yes, Lord.  I believe that.  A man can only receive what he is given from You.  No boasting.  Let all boasting or any spiritual pride be gone in Jesus' Name.  I hate all of that, and I certainly do not want it in me.  So let every place be filled by You, every need for approval, every desire to be noticed and valued for what You have put in me.  Let it all be filled by You and for the sake of Your Name, things to happen as You will as You wish, but that I would only draw nearer.  I don't want to think so much about myself, and us, and our circumstances, and definitely not to worry or be anxious.  I have to stop trying to figure things out, and again, over and over and over, have to rest in You.  This has to be fixed though, once and for all, and the sources of that insecurity taken down in Jesus' Name.  Those strongholds must be demolished.  That is it!  Identity is attacked...wrong thinking leading to wrong behaviour...that is how I am living.  When I think that I am never good enough, then I don't try things that I may otherwise.  When i feel like a disappointment, I won't venture out.  When these things start defining who I am...not that smart, failure, disappointment, no wonder it is difficult to step out boldly and live in victory.  So Lord lead me into all truth.  Lead me into all righteousness.  Let me follow what is good, right, and true.  Let me have high discernment between good and evil and recognize every scheme and every trap, and not walk in exhaustion but new strength that You give.  Life in Jesus' Name.  Life in Jesus' Name, no more to be the same with life in Jesus' Name.  Live under Your approval, Your acceptance, Your grace, Your mercy, Your identity, You notice me, You value me.  So when those liars come and speak otherwise, let me rise up in what is true and give them a swift kick, and speak out boldly what You have already said, the name that You have already given to me.  Grow this mind in You in wisdom and truth and ability, grow these lips to speak as You would have me to, to articulate Your words and truth by Your Spirit.  Let these hands be swift to do good and create beauty and functionality wherever You take me.  I cannot be what You have made me to be, if I am believing wrongly either too highly or too lowly.  You define me.  You created me.  You have the last word on who I am, and You call me beloved.  You call me child, You have called me friend.  You speak the truth over me.  You speak life into me.  You give me a new song.  You bring Your power. You bring meaning.  You carry me along.  You are the one Who has carried me all along.  And Your grace...and Your grace...and Your grace rings out. We send praise up to You for Your mercy is always new, and Your grace reveals You.  Life to our hearts and peace when there is nothing else we can do, but trust You, and we know we have to know, You want us to know Your great love.  So we praise for Your grace for Your mercy and Your kindness.  We bring praise for the life You give to us.  You give life to us.  Your life is in us.

Let me see the identity of the child set free.  Let me see the identity of the child set free and the life given freely and the hope so securely anchored behind the veil anchored so we can sail we can fly we can run we can dance we can know we can breathe.  We are free by Your power.  We are free by the blood of the Lamb.  This changes who I am.  This makes me able to stand.

More more more Lord more of You.  More new life Lord more brand new.  Drown out all voices who want to take away all that You have done Lord, all that You would say.  More more of You Lord more to do Your will, more to sow Your power More life to build more of me to fill.  More to give for You Lord More to shout Your Name.  More to walk in grace and life More to proclaim.  More to flee to mercy More to light on fire.  More to shout Your Name Lord.  More is what You desire to give desire to see desire more of You in me.

What He starts He always Finishes

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus"

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,

    you preserve my life;

You stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,

    and your right hand delivers me.

8 

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;

    your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.

    Do not forsake the work of your hands.

I have to believe what He has said, and He has told me that what He starts He finishes.  He will not leave me alone and He will never ever put me to shame.  I believe Him for the good things that He has said and for every single one of His promises that are YES and AMEN in Christ Jesus.  The enemy's scheme is to make me doubt which leads to confusion and unbelief.  I have to be careful to say NO to all of that doubt because the confusion and unbelief lead to paralysis, passivity, inactivity, and a cloud of untruth.  We must believe that He is and is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.  Without faith it is impossible to please  Him!  The enemy wants to steal those good things that Abba is doing, the seeds that He is planting, the love that I would experience to make me stronger.  He wants to fill me with fear and insecurities to make things appear to be NOT what they truly are in reality.  I have been in this place and I have to come out.  I am coming out.  I have to believe Abba for good things.  I have to stop believing that I am doing wrong at every turn that I am going down a wrong path.  IF He did not want me going in this direction, I simply would not be going in this direction.  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not to your own understanding.  Acknowledge Him in all of your ways, and HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT!  Whom have I in Heaven but YOU and earth has nothing I desire but YOU.  My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.  You hold me by Your right hand and guide me with Your counsel.  The enemy wants me to feel bad.  He wants me to doubt and live in insecurity about EVERYTHING...what I am doing, pursuing, relationships, relationship with Abba and hubby, who I am just really everything.  So I have to go back to what I have already been told.  When I keep feeling like something is wrong, and I cannot get to the Father.  I rest in YOU.  I rest in YOU.  I sink into YOU Jesus.  You are the way and the truth and the life, and no man comes to Father but through YOU.  I put YOU on Jesus.  Clothe me in YOU and it is YOUR righteousness.  This is a weird time right now, and it seems difficult to find the path.  YOU are my path, just coming to YOU, running to YOU for life and for help and for clarity.  You are not confusing.  You are love.  You are not condemning.  You are gracious.  You know if there are things that are wrong that I want to know, and You will not withhold those things from me.  You want me to draw near even more than I want to draw near.  You are in the secret places.  You are in the secret places.  Be in all of the secret places of this heart to reveal and restore and rebuild and reward those who seek YOU, those who seek Your face.  You reveal and restore, You rebuild and reward let me seek You with all of this heart.  Let me find You where You are in the secret in the quiet in the stillness there You are.  In the midst of my heart's cry in the cold and darkest night.  In the place where I cannot hide, there You are.  There You are.  You take me in and call me friend.  You shelter me.  You set me free.  You bring Your life to my cold places and breathe on me again.  You breathe Your breath of life.  You are my friend.  The One Who won't let go.  The One Who will never say I told you so.  The One Who stays and won't give up.  The One Who sets the table for us to sup and dine and have so much time just to talk and love our hearts together.  You want us like this forever.  Thank You.  Thank You.  Thank You.  Thank YOU.  Thank YOU. Thank You.  You have great plans.  I believe You Lord.  You are more than I see, more than I know, more than I can fathom in my mind.  You are deeper.  You are truer.  You are Higher.  You are GREATER.  You are fuller and longer and bigger and stronger and kinder and gentler and more than I can know.  Your love tells me so.  So let's go away.  Let's run to be in the place where I hear You speak gently.  I love Your voice.  I love Your ways. I only want to hear You and then obey.  Because when I love I follow You.  When I love nothing else that I can do.  To be like You to know You up close.  To rest in Your shadow and dwell in Your shelter what I want most.  It is really deeply truly what I want most.  

So I have to focus on what is true.  I MUST have Your Word dwelling deeply within me.  Without that I am lost, so very very lost.  It must be alive and active in me every day every moment.  I want to speak and let others be affected by Your Word, Your Spirit, Your Power, and Your love.  I so want them to see You!  They have to see You.  But I must go back to what I saw yesterday, and when I am just abiding and loving You, the fruit will come.   

So many things...

So many things that I want to get out that are inside.  Today is one of those, I need to go live life days.  It is one of those, I have looked at facebook and seen people living life and enjoying God's good gifts and I want to do that too!!!  We cannot seem to get enough rest lately.  AND I am seeing once again how vitally important rest is to my whole person, really whole life!  It is as if we were just going and going and going, and slowly my heart had leaked out.  Right now, I don't really feel too much, and it seems that all of my senses are kind of dull.  I absolutely DO NOT want to live this way, but if this is just some sort of passing through point, okay I am ready to get through it and get back into life.  The relationships that I had been focusing on here have dwindled a bit.  Everything seems to have started with the trip to Michigan...Michigan, subbing, David's parents, Bottle and Twine, working the festival, my parents.  It seems that this past weekend was our first Saturday to just be, and "be" we did!  Much rest and shnuggling on the couch and a nap, and movies in the evenings, and easy dinners, and chinese take out.  Lovely, but I am really ready to have life back in me, or either to go hide in the mountains for a while!  It is the being here, but not being engaged that is not working for me, but I think that I need to take what I can get while I can as far as rest goes.  We need a life change again, yes again.  I so want to be in the place doing what I am made to be doing.  I think that I am in part, but I want to fully do it.  Also, again, I am seeing how the enemy wants to make us doubt EVERYTHING.  He wants to bring doubt into everything that I am doing...Bottle & Twine, IVF, watching this certain movie with my hubby, relationships, what I am making for dinner, how I am spending my time...NO MORE!  I am not going to live like this.  I am also in one of those times that I think that I am trying too hard with the Lord instead of just resting in Him and abiding.  Saw this today, and it seems to sum up where I am.  I need to just abide, to rest, trust, obey, abide!  Thank You Lord for words that you gave years ago that have stuck with me always.  Rest, trust, obey, abide... abide...You are the Vine, and I am a branch.  I receive from You, I am in You, I am part of You.  I cannot exist apart from You.  That is WHY apart from YOU I am nothing.  I have nothing.  I can do nothing.  The past few weeks on Sunday at church, I have felt distracted and not as engaged as those weeks when all is so glorious.  Maybe this is part of it...just needing to rest and abide and trust and obey and the fruit will come.  I so want that fruit that will last.  Right now, I do not see the way.  So I am stopping and resting.  I am not even DOING the things that I normally consider resting in You.  Writing in my journal and receiving from Your Word.  It is more these little things, like a change of schedule and writing here and getting things out.  So this is a start, another start.  I will take things one step at a time.  Lord protect this heart from those things that would steal away the love, the longing for you, the hunger and thirst for righteousness.  Let me really sink into You and rest there...Come and rest here.  Come and lay Your burdens down.  Let me know get worried when I am not feeling all of those things that I want to be feeling.  There are things that are good just to forget and move on.  There are loose ends that need wrapping up, like the writing course, writing a letter to Pop, writing to Diane, trying my hand again at more children's stories, finishing TM book, finishing Zone book, reworking menus, plan for Bottle & Twine, price list etc.  But right now, resting abiding and no knots in the tummy, and let's get the stress out of the face.  Let's do some pilates and have a smoothie or some tea.  Let's go through the stack of books in my bedroom and do something with them.  Let's stay in touch with people and pursue new relationships.  I guess that there seems to be so much going on that it takes lots out of me just to take care of the things that are around me!  But I want in many ways to be more able to do what needs to be done, and to have an outward gaze to others.  For example this sweet Indian couple whom I met recently had a fire in their apartment, and I didn't even know until two weeks later.  I want to be involved in the lives of others.  I want to give and pour out.  There is an opportunity to volunteer as a storyteller at a hospital.  Normally that would make my heart sing, but right now, it just makes me feel tired...  SO that tells me that there needs to be change here.  Really I think that we need a getaway, and the way that we live instead of doing the one big vaca, maybe we really could do several smaller trips...  Just thinking.  What a different day this is...I am SO off schedule, but, I will try it for one day.  I will accomplish what I need to, but also do some other things as well.  So there are other things that I want to get out as well!  Things that are in my journal that need more expressing, some of those true riches stored in secret places.  By the way, I love that verse, and Isaiah 33:6 as well

 He will be the sure foundation for your times,

    a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;
    the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.  He will be!  I don't have to make myself be something.  He will be.  I have got to learn this dependence once again.  Total and complete.  Did I have it in the first place?  What have I really thought about my relationship with You Abba?  Have I really rested and completely depended on Your grace instead of trying so hard to please You.  There are those verses about trying to find out what please the Lord.  And I want to so very much, but mostly, I just want to draw near.  I say that and then I spend my time in all sorts of ways.  What do You think?  What are You saying?  I know that You do not want me to worry over it, but just come and be with You.  My soul finds rest in You alone, over and over and over.  Life in You is all I want.  Life in You is all I need.  Everything fade away.  Everything else leave.  You made life beautiful and bright, but even in that Your glory is what I long for.  I need You alone right now with me.  You alone to be seen.  I love Your ways.  I love Your gifts.  I love how You take care of me, but all I can think, all I want is time with You.  You are what I need.  You are what I need.  Let all else fade away, the noise, the lights, the work, the day, and let it be You and let me see finally what You want me to see, and that is You, and being with You, and loving You and being loved.  Loving You and being loved and sitting and resting and knowing and believing.  You are here, and You just want me to rest in You, live in You, not trying to be anything but here with You, knowing You, flowing in You.  Resting in Your Name, taking in Your grace, You filling this place where I am, replacing the anxious heart where I am, giving a new start where I am.  All because of You. All because of You, knowing You and loving You and being loved by You.  You are all I need.  Let all else leave.  Just to give You all this heart and soul, this mind and lips this life for all eternity You are all I need.  When there is no more breath in me.  You are all I need.  Face to face I will see the one
Who saved me and again I will sing You are all I need.  Face to face with the Father. Face to face no more fear.  Face to face with my Abba, He is dear. He is near.  Face to face no more pretending.  Face to face is how He sees me.  Your eyes see to my soul.  Your heart loves me wholly, and face to face we love to be.  I am His and He belongs to me.  This heart in His, this life given.  Face to face is true reward.  Face to face what I'm longing for.  Knowing what You are saying.  Knowing Your heart and Your thoughts. Knowing we'll be together and we will never be apart.  Face to face is so amazing.  Face to face is life with You.  Face to face is no shame or regret.  Face is face is living true.  Face to face, there is no  hiding.  Face to face there is no fear.  Face to face.  Face to face. You can only be near.  Face to face.  Life in You.  Life in You.  None other will do, but to have life in You.  You are true.  You are so true.  What you say You will do because You are true.  You are hope.  You are hope.  When there is nothing else You are hope.  You.  Only You.  What can I say?  What can I do?  Just think of You, be with You.  Hope in you. Trust in Love.  Love.  There is so much love.  There is so much love in You.  You.  You are love.  You are love when there is stillness.  You are love when there is pain.  You are love.  You can be no different.  You are love.  You called my Name.  Remember.  Love knows my Name.  Please just know Love, true true Love knows Your Name.  He knows my Name.  He knows my Name.  He speaks love and He knows my Name.  He loves my heart.  He sees me here and knows.  He remembers what He told me.  He always is true to His promise.  He is Love and will never put to shame.  He is love and will never ever put to shame.  He is Love tender and true.  Life oh sweet life in You.  Life oh there is life only only really really only.  There is life only in You.  I love the life that You give.  I love the sweet life, and there is none other like it.  There is no other life like what You give.  There is no other source of living water.  There is none so sweet and pure.  There is none that fills my heart and soul.  There is no beauty that possesses me like You.  You possess my heart and soul.  You possess.  You possess.  I am Yours.  I am Yours.  You have captured my heart.  You have captured my heart.  Let it be said that I gave You everything, no holding back, gave You everything.  Why would I hold on, when You want it to be Yours?  You want me to be Yours.  YOU want me.  Thank You Lord.  Thank You Lord.  I belong with You .  I belong with You.  You heal me with Your life.  You heal me with Your words.  You heal me with Your sweet sweet love.  Your sweet sweet love.  You heal me.  You heal me.  You heal me.  You take away all that was lost.  You restore.  You restore.  You take away all that was lost, and bring back the sweet fragrance to life.  You are the sweet fragrance of life.  You are the vine, and I am a branch.  You are the vine so strong.  I take all the life that You offer to fill this soul, to fill.  You give gifts so sweet, so powerful and sweet so full of life because it's You.  Without You there is nothing, nothing that I need.  Nothing will do.  Nothing will do.  With You there is life, overflowing and abundant real and true and pure.  You give such good gifts.  You are Love everlasting.  You call me Beloved and I am Yours.  You call me Beloved.  You call me Beloved.  You call me Beloved and I am Yours. 


New Living Translation
And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness--secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.
English Standard Version
I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the LORD, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.

New International Version
I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the